1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
