I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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