You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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