I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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