the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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