Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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