god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
