I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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