Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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