i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
