i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
