I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
