she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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