so explain again why im purple
no
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
