guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
