She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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