I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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