Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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