Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
