my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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