I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
your room smells of hookers.
And success
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well you can't waste a boner
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
