Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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