2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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