Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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