i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
