Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
