I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
this hospital has no fireball
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
