we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Randomize
