why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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