i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
