now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
