remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So vagazzling was a success
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
