So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
