We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
