i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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