I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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