taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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