we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
