Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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