Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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