I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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