I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Damn victory sex feels great
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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