My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
