ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
