Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
