I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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