And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
