Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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