That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
