do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
