Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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