I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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