My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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