Your tits are I can't wait for
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
