how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
