Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
