I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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