Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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