Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
