i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
