I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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