Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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