I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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