you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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