Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
