There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
