you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
